I liked to change some things in my life, but instead they changed me. I thought I was well informed, but I realized I was too naïve. I may be a mind reader , unaware of my own thoughts…..They blink they vanish, as if some sort of memory game being played…then again I realize I am someone different , one that I never knew….…their interests don’t match mine…things that excite them are too petty for me… I don’t know what I am looking for; there are no words for that on my mind…..
I have been remarked “5-50” meaning a child of five and thoughts of fifty year old, but does age define feelings? Does mind know how old it really is? Who stereotyped age and feelings pattern? Why do people bind themselves and compare everyone on that scale? And isn’t it good that I realized it fast? Well these questions are too complex, critics may find it useful to categorize me as “miserable” but they don’t know what I am talking about….they will never know….probably in their fifties……..but thoughts have no age, they are not bound. What they term as rise in level of maturity may just be a tide of thoughts……..
Life may be lived and then one can realize what it was, also one can think what life is and then live to discover how true/false their prophecies turned out. Its fun this way for me, it may not be for you and I don’t force you to think my way and expect the same from you. I am being very harsh I suppose but nothing comes between me and my writings, they may not be true, may be fictitious, rubbish and so on ….but they are mine ……too personal …..Too dear to me ……one may term me as 50, 60 and ……but I don’t care..….Cause age has nothing to do with thoughts…….
We have seen God only through the painter’s brush. Even if we do meet him (god), we might never recognize, but has anyone questioned the artist why is he making all those when he has never seen god?? We don’t tell him to stop making those, and ask him to make those after he dies (and that too if he is lucky enough to see god, if he exists!) we just allow his imagination to wander……never questioning him ….similarly everything needn’t happen to you to pen it ……it just occurs …touches …and leaves……
And I don’t believe in binding what comes to me , it may be “sad” , “childish”, “mature” and so on …..i don’t know , and I don’t care ….i don’t need to live a kind of life to understand it …….this way I live hundreds of lives , feeling each emotion ……probably my futile attempt to become immortal…..but this is what I am , and this is what I feel……..